And Now, a Clip Episode

Some would more charitably call it a retrospective.

October 22, 2001 is not a date that means much to a vast majority of the world. For some people, it was a day to celebrate their birth. For some people, it is a date of protest. For other people, it was a day to get really excited about the release of SuSE Linux 7.3. But, for most people, it was just another day.

For me, however, October 22, 2001, will be remembered as the day that Crunchable was born. Of course, that was just the day that the site itself thrust onto the digital ether, laying bare its soul for all the Internet to see; the actual idea of Crunchable was bandied about for many weeks and months before that.

But ideas aren’t much of anything until you do something with them, so they say. From a foundling beginning, we have made it to a full year later. Things weren’t always smooth along the way, with deadlines missed and ire raised, but kinks are always to be expected.

But the bills were all paid on time, and the files were all uploaded in a mostly-timely fashion. So, here we are, one year later; and what a year it’s been. If you would, allow me to look back with you at the year gone by, and reminisce upon that which should be reminisced upon, and ignore that which is best left ignored.

October 2001: The debut! We start off strong with a frank look at the mortality of fish. Some of your lesser Internet sites wouldn’t dare tackle such a subject. But, then again, that is why you are reading us and not them, right? As we did not begin until near the end of the month, we had but a choice four articles for our first month. Complaints received: 0.

November 2001: The war in Afghanistan continues on into Month Two. The President says that everything is going just great. After several heartbreaking tries, the crown princess of Japan finally gives birth to a royal heir! Needless to say, monarchy enthusiasts everywhere rejoice. In Crunchable Land, we introduce not one, not two, but three new columns! On a personal note, I make my first Crunchable appearance during this month, and I think I can say without doubt that it was critically acclaimed. Also, we see the debut of Mr. Sean Woznicki, whose fame will be forever emblazoned on a fashionable Crunchable coffee mug.

December 2001: Ah, the holiday season. The perfect time for sitting back, sipping some hot chocolate by the fire, and watching the snowflakes drift ever-so-softly in the wind. Maybe for the rest of you, but not for an up-and-coming Internet site! No sir (or ma’am), we kept on supplying the world with tasty morsels of literary lovin’ during this joyous season.

Well, okay, so we did take a few weeks off near the end of the month, but we have lives too, you vultures. On the global scene, the Euro becomes the official currency of 12 European nations, thus ushering in a golden age when people throughout a substantial part of the world couldn’t really tell how much they were paying for bread.

January 2002: Out with the old, in with the new. The first New Year in a few that was free of any millennial-related fears goes off without a hitch. Things continue on in the world much as they have for a while, though there are a few surprises.

We come back after our brief hiatus and ponder the subtle nuances in the spirit that happen when a new year comes to pass. Oh, and we talk about hockey, too. Also, in a milestone moment, we introduce the first writer who was not a part of the original staff. Expansion is good. Just ask Rome!

February 2002: In the icy heart of winter, can love still bloom in the heart of man? The answer: a resounding yes! Crunchable celebrates love, sweet love, in the only way we know how: by writing about it. Four straight days of Valentine-tastical whimsy and wit, with a box of chocolate for every reader. What? Didn’t get yours? It must have gotten lost in the mail.

February was also a time for international unity, with the Winter Olympics XIX taking place in Salt Lake City. Security was tight, with the threat of terrorism running high. Drug security was also tight, with no one wanting the games tainted by the mar of controversy. That, however, didn’t quite work out as planned … better luck next time, I suppose.

March 2002: In a little bit of a shake-up, my employer at the time commits what can only be called a thoughtfully dunderheaded move. While this had and still has many ramifications for the network, I was safe and secure knowing I was a contract employee. Unfortunately, it also meant I would be unemployed at the end of said contract. Ah well, so it goes.

Other dunderheaded business maneuvers continue to have hefty ramifications. In the world of Crunchable, we avoid business scandal by celebrating our six-month anniversary. We really like to celebrate anniversaries, in case you couldn’t tell.

April 2002: April Fools! A classic day of chicanery ushers in the springtime season. Weather actually becomes a hot topic for the month, with some of us waxing poetic, and some with some of us just complaining.

Elsewhere in the world, the joy of a new season with the hope of peace is also celebrated. Also, the one holiday a year where you get to celebrate the entire ding-dang planet.

May 2002: As spring pushes onward, the system tries really hard to figure out exactly what it’s doing. As Crunchable pushes onward, we end up talking about dead fish again. Do we have some sort of strange fish-based morbidness entrenched in our psyche?

I don’t think it’s anything to worry about, because we clearly have some even more deeply rooted psychological problems that should be dealt with. By the end of the month, though, our problems are overshadowed by other, more pressing matters.

June 2002: World Cup fever! While the international community rejoiced in watching the game of games, most Americans kept asking: why don’t they call it soccer? June, of course, is also the gateway into summer. Ice cream, beaches, periodical cicadas; that’s what the vacation season is all about.

In a potentially historical moment, Crunchable becomes the site where I officially announce my candidacy for President of the United States of America. Stay tuned for more campaign news in the coming weeks and years.

July 2002: As the U.S. celebrates its independence, so does Crunchable. This month would bring many changes for many of the staff here, with many of us moving, and some of us even getting ready to go to other countries. But we kept on putting out the quality of material that you’ve come to expect from us! (We hope this is ambiguous enough to satisfy all our readers —ed.)

In fact, we even got a little technical at points. Elsewhere in the literary world, proud annual traditions carry on. Looks like we have a lot to live up to.

August 2002: In the dog days of August, President Bush gets a little antsy. Maybe he should just sit back and enjoy an icy cold beverage. We take a little break to enjoy the summer days, but come back just in time to give you a full two weeks of poignant material. That’s two more weeks than you would have had if we didn’t exist at all, so don’t complain.

September 2002: All jokes aside, September is a somber, anxious month. We look back to the events of one year ago and try to make sense of it all in our own way. The rest of the world does pretty much the same. As for the rest of the month; c’mon, seriously, you ought to remember it. It was just like three weeks ago, yeah? What am I, your mother?

October 2002: Crunchable celebrates its one-year birthday! One of the editors gets the bright idea to write up a timeline of the past year and comically link the timeline on the timeline. He’s sure the audience will see the subtle, temporal humor in it.

November 2002: When the entire Crunchable staff wakes up naked in the same bed but can’t remember what happened the night before … well, you’ll have to read about it after it happens.

So there you have it; a hell of a lot has happened in the past year, and we’ve been there through it all. It’s been an uphill climb — one of those ones where you can’t really see the top anyway. You just keep climbing; you just make sure you enjoy the trip.

Let’s all meet back here next year, shall we? Three-ish? Works for me.

Article © 2002 by Joel Haddock