An Open Letter to Mr. Billick

A football fan’s message for the Ravens’ former coach.

Dear Brian,

So, buddy, whad’ya think of the Pats’ game last weekend? I figure you must have been watching, seeing how you have loads more free time these days. I bet you’re keeping busy by canceling your Super Bowl party plans, or maybe by learning to crochet. Or maybe just working on your résumé.

It’s been a good run. Hell, it’s been a great run. But, it’s over, buddy. Oh, we had our good times and our bad. But, who are we kidding — lately, it’s been mostly bad. Yeah, you’ve seen us through nine seasons, four playoff appearances and a Super Bowl win. But that was 2001. And you can fill your fingers like Liberace with championship rings, and it won’t make up for a nine-game losing streak. We lost to Miami, for fuck’s sake. We lost to a no-win team. So, sadly, the Ravens don’t have Liberace-level Super Bowl bling. Just enough for one finger, and guess which one they’re showing you.

Don’t give me that pouty face, Brian. You saw this coming. Baltimore forgives a lot of things: illiteracy, murder charges, eating dog shit off the sidewalk. But going from 13 and 3 one season to 5 and 11 the next … Sir, that will not stand.

So, again, it’s been great. Keep in touch. And don’t let the big bucket of suck hit you on the way out.

Article © 2008 by Steve Spotswood