Die, College Park

University of Maryland misadventures.

I think the University of Maryland might be out to get me.

Did I do something to anger Testudo, the almighty mascot? Whatever the reason, I am incapable of visiting the university’s campus in College Park, MD, without something unfortunate happening to me.

It all began three years ago, when I went to visit some undergrad friends and ended up lost in the middle of campus toting a hefty laundry bag and wearing an overly small borrowed sweatshirt because I had forgotten to pack any shirts of my own.

There was also the time that Boyfriend and I tried to make our way to see a production of The Vagina Monologues. No one we passed on our dark, freezing, campus-wide trek seemed to know where the theater was, and we almost missed the show. In a bizarre twist, we ran into Steve Spotswood, who was also wandering in the dark on his way to see a different show.

On one of my more recent trips, I decided to take in a play with my sister. We hadn’t counted on faulty Mapquest directions. We also hadn’t counted on the entire campus being swarmed because of a football game. After almost an hour of aimless driving and nearly killing several Terp fans, we finally had to give up and go home.

Then, of course, there was my trip last month. I took every precaution, arming myself with directions and leaving far earlier than I had to. I made it all the way onto campus and to the parking garage without incident and thought that, for once, I had defeated my poor luck. And then I slammed the car door shut on my finger.

Next time I venture into Terp-Land, I’m bringing a GPS and a chauffeur.

Article © 2008 by Molly E. Weeks