Rock the Lobster

Bring the drawn butter and take out a bank loan.

I’m really not sure how I feel about lobster.

Sure, they taste pretty good, and they’re a great means for getting drawn butter into one’s mouth. But they’re an awfully expensive means of consuming drawn butter. And, frankly, Dave Barry’s right: they’re basically giant undersea cockroaches.

I make these observations after spending a week on Massachusetts’s Cape Cod, a trendy and seafood-centric peninsula where even the tiniest, dingiest clam shacks have the following menu:

  1. Fried cod
  2. Fried clam strips
  3. Fried oysters
  4. Fried scallops
  5. Fried shrimp
  6. Fried onion rings
  7. Fried French fries
  8. Lobster

Some places even have the lobster tank out in plain view, where folks waiting for their baskets of fish and chips can watch the crustaceans scuttling over one another as they (the lobsters) try to avoid being eaten.

Nearly all of these establishments serve “lobster rolls,” which are basically toasted hot dog buns filled with lobster salad — which, in turn, is a lot like tuna salad but tastes totally different and is about eight kajillion times more expensive.

Don’t get me wrong: Lobster rolls are quite tasty. The family and I stopped at a highly-recommended restaurant/clam shack and sampled their lobster roll along with their lobster bisque — which was so rich that it, too, was a pretty effective means of consuming drawn butter.

Then again, we got just about as much enjoyment from our meal at the hot dog shack next to our hotel, which begs the question: What is the scariest way to fill a hot dog bun? With a tube of processed mystery meat, smothered in tasty chili and shredded cheese, for just $3.95? Or with mayonnaise-drenched undersea cockroach chunks for $16.99?

Article © 2007 by Michael Duck