Doctor’s Office Magazine Blues

Fun and sexy ways to choose embarrassing reading material!

“Look & feel your best!” the magazine cover chirped. “Summer fashion steals — all under $50!”

Yes, boredom here in the doctor’s office can drive me to some unfortunate choices.

I always hope there’s a copy of Time or Sports Illustrated, even if the issue is three years old. I’ll even read (shudder) Golf Digest.

But today, the options were Country Living or … um, Redbook.

Casually grabbing the magazine, I tried to avoid the glance of the hairy guy sitting across from me — the one with the glasses, a trucker’s cap and a tin of chewing tobacco in his T-shirt pocket. I mean, why should he care if I want to learn how to get “flawless SKIN” and “gorgeous HAIR,” as the cover promises.

I also learn:

  • “5 ways to outsmart diabetes.”
  • How to “Improve your relationship karma.”
  • That on about page 30, there’s a Hanes ad featuring Jennifer Love Hewitt in her underwear.
  • That the guy who writes “the Man Manual (get the most out of your guy)” is either (a) deeply out of touch with his gender, (b) a woman writing under a pseudonym or (c) someone who had to come up with some random crap on deadline. I mean, come on — he lists the World Cup and Super Soakers under the heading “what [men are] obsessed with this month.”
  • “What to do about bed-wetting.”
  • How to “Make the ultimate sex connection.”
  • That Redbook magazine encourages women to have sex in fields and in airplane restrooms. (Who knew?)
  • And, of course, “How to have Soul-Satisfying Sex Tonight, p. 60.”
Article © 2006 by Michael Duck