Once Upon an Alien Abduction …

… and other less-than-auspicious beginnings.

There are millions of people out there who want to someday become great writers, but so many of us are short on ideas. Therefore, I present nine opening paragraphs I have written, which you’re welcome to use to jumpstart your next creative writing project:

  1. Adam Keller was examining the price of low fat yogurt in the supermarket when his cell phone rang. Immediately, the young man pulled the phone out of his pocket and saw that the call was coming from his apartment. Cautiously, he flipped the phone open and put it to his ear. “Hello Adam,” a deep voice spoke on the other end. “This is your coffee maker speaking. The other kitchen appliances and I are leaving you, and we have left a little surprise in the bathtub.”
  2. People are always asking me how I got the scar around my neck. Most of the time I just shrug the question off and mumble something about falling out of a tree or being in a car accident when I was a kid. Every once in a while, though, when there’s plenty of beer to drink and we have a few hours to spare, I lean back, and say, “When I was 13, I spent the summer on my uncle’s farmů”
  3. I never knew I was a mother until two weeks ago when I was cooking dinner and there was a knock at the door.
  4. Three nights ago I was lying in bed, fast asleep, when the room was suddenly filled with a ghostly blue light. I tried to sit up, but my entire body was completely paralyzed. Invisible arms lifted me up off the bed, and I began to float toward the window which had slowly begun to open. “Crap,” I mumbled, rolling my eyes. “Not this again.”
  5. Last night we attended the weirdest funeral I have ever been to.
  6. “Ryan!” My Mom called up the stairs. “The Petersons are here to drive you to the dance!” I almost shouted back that I would be down in a minute, but I was too busy buttoning my shirt up over the superhero costume I had spent all week sewing. Finally, I grabbed the tie off my dresser, stuffed the mask into my pocket and headed for the door. This was a seventh grade dance no one was going to forget for quite some time.
  7. Butch was one of the coolest guys on the football team until the day he rode to school on a unicorn.
  8. At the crack of dawn Clarissa sprinted down her driveway, praying that none of the neighbors would spot her in Donald Duck pajamas. She picked up the newspaper lying by the mailbox and was turning to dash back into the house when she noticed a red wooden box lying by her husband’s car. Slowly, she approached the box and saw her name was engraved into the lid. Clarissa stood up straight and looked around for a moment before picking up the container and carrying it inside. In her living room, Clarissa opened the box and found a VHS tape lying inside. Written on the top in white ink were the words “Subject 181: Play Me.” Holding her breath, Clarissa slid the tape into her VCR.
  9. There are three things you should keep in mind if you ever decide to dig a hole to China. First: Don’t be thrifty when it comes to shovels and pickaxes, those suckers are gonna be with you for a while. Second: It can really feel like you’re heading for China but you end up in India. Third, but most important: You won’t have cell phone reception — so if you get into a hairy situation in the earth’s core, you’d better be ready to handle it on your own.
Article © 2010 by Michael Barron